Today, for the first time in 4 months. I spent time with just Ruby. We went swimming, the first thing she said to me when we entered the pool was “mummy, I’m so happy”. That one comment has hit my heart so hard.
The last 4 months, our relationship, our special bond has taken a back seat…
Selfishly, until today, it had never occurred to me that she’d miss me. But seeing her, with no other distraction has made me realise that she has.
My gosh isn’t she just amazing. I feel as though I’ve been squinting for 4 months.. Because I’ve seen her in a completely different light today. She’s grown up so much and I feel like I haven’t even noticed. How sad is that?
Sharing your attention evenly; is by far the biggest struggle of motherhood with more than one child. And there is no doubt about it, the new baby receives the most attention (this genuinely can’t be helped).
I’m not sure if anyone else feels the same, but I constantly question my ability to evenly time manage. Perhaps I over think it, but I wonder if I give her enough of me.
My days are spent telling her to “wait a minute” or “I’ll do it once I’m done with Lola” or “hang on babe”.
Poor little love just wants attention and I tell her to wait. That breaks my heart.. Like more than anything.
Saying all that though I look at it from this angle;
My mum had me aged 35, I grew up surrounded by other children outside the house. But that was never enough. I was lonely and longed for a brother or sister. To the point that I almost resented my own parents and I swore that Ruby, would never have to feel this way.
Don’t get me wrong.. they will argue for sure, but they will always have someone to share with, someone to laugh with and most importantly a special bond and friendship like no other. Something that I’ve craved my entire life.
So for now, it may appear to me in these very early days that she is missing out, but perhaps it’s the opposite… In years to come she will thank me.
At least she’ll never have to play monopoly alone…