What a fucking day.
First thing I was greeted with this morning was an overflowing washing basket…
As if I wasn’t already miserable.
I’m not sure what’s with my frame of mind right now. But my old anxious ways have slithered themselves back into my mind the last couple of days.
Usually I’m on it and shoot them down… Not today.
No today I’ve completely lost it, there is nothing worse than the feeling of loosing mental control.
I’ve felt it coming all day, that overwhelming feeling of dread and fear pushing and pushing me. And what a time for it to explode… Whilst I’m eating my bloody carbonara..
A mouthful of spaghetti and a plate full of tears. Yummy!
I think the last 6 months has finally caught up with me. The exhaustion, the fear, the stress, the love and the hormones (cheers breastfeeding) has finally got me.
Being a mother is so fucking hard. 1, 2, 3 or 10 kids. It doesn’t matter, I salute you. We are so good at pushing our own needs to the back of the shelf and ‘dealing’ with it later. By that I mean physically and emotionally. (Physical Example of this; holding your wee in for 3 hours cause every time you try to go, someone wants your soul).
There are simply not enough hours in the day to Prep and prime your own mental state.
Which today, I’ve found has turned around a bitten me right in the arse.
Will I learn from this and express my emotions?… Nope probably not.
How have the kids been today, you ask?They have been amazing, utterly amazing… They are such a blessing 💗