I’m sitting here, rocking my almost one year old in her bouncy chair. A place I didn’t think I’d be a year ago today. It’s funny isn’t it? How you have an expectation of a future experience whether that be a child or a job and it never turns the out the way you expected.
This time last year, I was certain I’d have it sussed. I’d had a baby before, I knew how they worked and how to meet their demands and of course indure painful sleep deprivation and survive. Surely I had this in the bag right?
I blissfully shopped for bottles and dummies hoping deep down she’d rely on those things for comfort. Dreaming every night, that by the age of 6 months she’d be a self soothing all night sleeper!
Assuming that her Ruby would just accept her and not kick up a fuss. And that I’d be a clean eating lean housewife with an immaculate home… and everything would be lovely and fluffy like you see on instagram.
So here we are, 354 days after Lola made her grand entrance and it couldn’t have been more opposite than the above. And do you know what? I’m so glad it didn’t go the way I imagined.
That may sound insane, but hear me out…
I breastfed Ruby for a short six weeks, so for most of her baby life she was formula fed and that worked well for us.
Lola however, she has only ever had eyes for my nips. That killed me, because it was all so new, it was physically and emotionally draining on my body. I didn’t think I was strong enough. I praye she’d lose interest. But she never did… But to me that’s meant to be. Even though I moan about it. Breastfeeding holds a huge place in my heart. I now have an even more respect for my body and my strength. It’s quite empowering keeping your baby alive with ya boobs ya know!!!
I’ve come to the conclusion that Lola isn’t just a baby, she is somewhat of an experience… #babybeyonce
She’s always known what she wants and exactly how she wants it since day 1.
Mummy? YES YES YES
Now this was the hardest part for me at first, I was so used to having an independent toddler that didn’t really want mummy all that much. I really faught against nature.. I’m not ashamed in admitting that I didn’t want her to want me, quite as much as she did…, (Im sure alot of you can relate, it’s quite suffocating at times).
But she soon taught me that I didn’t have a choice and I better put my seat belt on. I’ll always thank her for that. Over the last year I have followed her lead, nurtured her and met her needs 100% and the result? An absolutely gorgeous little girl, who is nothing but loving and gentle.
Yeah okay…. She won’t sleep without me or ofcourse my famous nips, but hey. We get plenty of sleep over here 🙋 I’m not complaining.
Oh and btw, what the eff is self soothing? Aha, I’m deadly serious. She doesn’t know how to self soothe. But why should she went its my job to do it for her? I’ll continue to let her guide me in whichever direction she wishes to go, just the way we did with Ruby..
A what a gem Ruby is really, minus her arsehole toddler tendencys she’s an amazing little girl. Who absolute loves Lola. However, Sisterhood is interesting to watch. “Lola has finished her milk, put her down now mummy” A statement that leaves the Ruby’s mouth at least once a day. I assumed she would adapt well and wouldn’t be overly bothered by her new baby sister.. And that was the case, up until recently. The more able Lola becomes, I’ve found the more it affects Ruby. But I’ve realised that’s perfectly okay too, I give them equal amounts of love and attention and I couldn’t possibly do a better job with them.
Oh and I’m certainly not a clean eating lean housewife. More like a coffee driven, biscuit eating nzombie… But that’s okay too. I rock that look well 🤔🙋. Coffee means my house is tidy and I don’t fall asleep at 3pm every day.
And well… Nothing is as it seems on the Internet. We are our own version of disfunctional perfection. And that works for us 😂
We’ve been on quite a journey this year, I’ve learnt to become completely selfless.. Even on our wedding day Ruby and Lola came first and that’s more than okay… They are my babies and my responsibility.
This picture defines my journey this year, raw and deep into motherhood ❤️
The days are long but the years are so very short. I’m glad I’ve embraced every second. I’m sure I’ll look back one day and smile.
Just go with the flow. It’s so much easier that way….
Mrs F 💋😉