I’ll be honest, after my first labour the idea of another child made me feel sick to my stomach. I waddled into the labour ward as 1 whole person feeling like i was on the brink of death.. and left as two people with 3000 stitches, engorged boobies absolutely shit scared of how we would survive 1 day… let alone a lifetime.
Then we had baby number two… again I left the hospital with my body in tatters and assumed i’d feel somewhat satisfied. However just recently the urge to procreate once again has returned… a lot earlier than the first time. Perhaps this is of course because my ‘Last Baby’ is no longer classed as a ‘baby’. Yes you heard right, at the tender age of 1 year she is now classed as a ‘Toddler’ (even though in reality she’s a crawling midget and still sucks my soul dry most nights).
So here I am, sat here on my sofa with my poorly ‘Toddler’, struggling to understand what exactly I find so appetising about night feeds, being covered in sick/piss/poo, having cracked nipples and not knowing what day it is? (actually, scrap the last one, i still don’t know what day it is). But what is it that has got me so bad?!
Is it the buzz of a new tiny human? Milestones? Loss of memory? What is wrong with me? I must be broken, I feel my mind has been warped (which by the way is ridiculous, because i’m a walking zombie 98.9% of the time who permanently moans about her current children)
I feel like its all of those things compressed together. The rush of love you feel on day 4… because no one can feel anything other than agony until then (day 3 though..urgh). The endless hours of cuddling, because when its over..those 3am cuddles are greatly missed. The fear of not knowing what this little person wants and needs at first and then the joy of getting to know them and meeting their needs. The act and journey of creating a tiny human that has been made from love warms the soul. There simply is no feeling that compares…
Wow, that where did that come from… Anyway this isn’t me saying that ill be having another baby anytime soon (calm your tits). I don’t think hubster would be too pleased, he’s still not over having this one. Neither is our sex life if you catch my drift.. (having two young children does detrimental things to your relationship… sorry Harv mate). Whats one more in the equation eh?
Anyway, the actual point of this blog post is that I will never understand the maternal instinct inbuilt in women… its actually pretty amazing isn’t it.. you know, in like an insane kind of way.