I think the kids have it in for me today.. Scrap that actually, I know they have it in for me. They’ve made that perfectly clear..
I woke up this morning, full of good intentions. Mainly cause they’ve had a boring week, what with me doing the double for a couple of days..
Norovirus.. It’s been an honour✌️
So yeah… I put my good mum hat on (hypothetical hat, hats make me look like a slug).
After listening to the snore machine that is my husband most of the night and being awoken to poop at 6 am… I could have easily spent the entire day vegetating on the sofa…
But no, let’s go to the wacky warehouse I said. It’ll be great fun. We get there, cue Ruby’s endless demands about what she wanted to do, what drink she requires and which toy she wants out of the stupid shitty £1 barg toys machine. So we play, it all goes epicly well until a little boy decides a to drop kick Lola on purpose. There is always that one fucking kid isn’t there… That always has it in for your bloody kid.
Then comes the crying… Lolas had enough, Ruby has definitely not had enough. ‘PLAY WITH ME MUMMY, PLAY WITH ME, PLAAAAAY WITHHHH MEHHHHHHH’.
Trying to explain to a 3 year old you have to leave soft play, is probably as painful as making a teenager get out of bed.
Alas, we got out. Great I thought. Minimal screaming and maximum bribery, we got out ALIVE.
Then I decide to ask the child what she’d like for lunch.. Rookie mistake. ‘I WANT CAKE AT TENTH HOLE AND MILKSHAKES’
No no, not today.. Because quite frankly I can’t deal with anymore public tantrums or crying.
I know Rubes.. I said. I’ll buy you a happy meal (in hope that it would give her a personality transplant).
“NOOOOO, I WANT SANDWICHES FROM MORRISONS”
No no dear. That would involve leaving the vehicle.. What about milkshake, I said.
“YAYY MILKSHAKE AND BURGER, WITH NO CUCUMBER OR NO ONIONS AND STRAWBERRY MILKSHAKE”
Get to the kiosk, order baby Queens meal choice….
Then she starts screaming like a banshee, that she did in fact ask for a chicken wrap with mayo.. After I’d ordered a cheese burger with no bloody ‘cucumber’ and no onions..
Changed the order with the first human you see at the next box…
He looked at me as though I had issues.
Give her the wrap she wanted so desperately. Did she eat it?
DID SHE HECK!
Anyway after that disastrous morning, my mum appeared and I escaped for an hour before my head exploded. It was bliss… I spent it with one of my best friends and her kids instead 😂. But it was still utterly heavenly.
On the way home, I thought to myself. No worries hun, when you get home everything will be better. They will have missed your presence, appreciate everything you do and all that rubbish.
Anyway, I’m not gonna continue my entire day to you, because quite frankly if you’ve got this far, you’ll probably be yawning..
But what I will share… is the absolute cherry on top of a great day.
Tonight, whilst everyone was happy I decided to go to the toilet. (Heaven forbid I take 5 minutes to listen to my bodily functions, instead of ignoring them like I tend to most of the day).
Before I know it.. In follow the stampede of children.. At least it sounded like a stampede, the little one with a teaspoon in hand and the big one being nosey cow asking what I was doing.
Carried away with answering dumb ‘why’ questions… Next thing I knew the teaspoon was down the toilet.. Lola staring at me like…
“It wasn’t me doe”
Ruby looked at me and said,
“Get out of my face mummy, Urgh you stink”
What delightful children I have..